Lips

xlipsofdecietx @ 2008-10-17T22:36:00

2008-10-18T02:53:44Z

yeah so...its 10:30,
chris has been in massachusetts for at least a half hour.
and im still in pennsylvania.

he broke up with me today.
he fucking left me.
i cant believe it...i never thought id be saying this.
and the worst part is, i dont even know how it happened.
everything was fine and now hes gone.

we got into a fight the other day.
and i sent him a message on myspace.
it was mean it was just everything that i was feeling.
everything i tried to say to him.
but hes so fucking stubborn.
so he took the message the wrong way.
and got all pissed off and said he was leaving when he got his paycheck.
i got that message this morning so i woke him up.
and i told him if thats his plan he can just leave now.
and then we started arguing. and he took out all my clothes from the suitcase.
in the middle of all that my mom and angie walked in.
and of course they made everything go out of control.
next thing i know hes gone...
i talked to him mom and grams, they said he was getting on a plane.
at nine tonight.

so hes gone and now im all alone in parkesburg.
my life fucking sucks.
plus my mom wont stop bitching about every little thing.
like i wanna hear that shit right now.

Hey Everyone...Alexis Has News!!

2008-06-06T13:04:10Z

Hey Everyone,

Its Been A While Since I Updated Last.

But Im Very Excited To Inform Everyone On Livejournal....

ME && CHRIS ARE MOVING BACK TO PENNSYLVANIA!!!!!

thats right...alexis will be back in downingtown prolly in the beginning of july.

I will be living in my moms apartment...me chris monica && joe!

im so fucking psyched man. like you have no idea.

we are so having a motherfucking party dude.

and on another note...does anyone want a kitty?

i wanna give her to someone i know in PA so i can visit her.

lia was gonna take her for me but she cant.

sooo pleaaaaase someone take my little lucy. =)

thanks!!

Peace&&Love
Alexis

CREATURES FOR A WHILE

2007-03-26T23:04:08Z

"i wanna make a mess, i wanna blow off stress"

yeah so i dunno feeling pretty crappy latly, but right now i feel good. im blazed as shit. me and monica went for a walk where the cold didnt kill out highs. i hate that shit.

lol

well good nes forme is angie is moving out next week or something. so i get my house back. and i dont have to feel threatned in my fucking house.

so im excited....i guess thats all. i dunno what the poin t of this was but yeah im good.

AINT NOTHIGN BUT A OGTH THING
ALEEIS

Blazzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzed

2007-03-24T16:25:22Z

"who wants to get they high on?"

so yeah im blazzed right now and i love it. makes me happy as shit. :D!! thats happy. lol.

yeah i dunno even know why i am writing this but its cool. um im going to write in it anyways..... yeah i dunno.

aint nothing but a goth thing
alexis

JUST BLAZE

2007-03-24T14:07:06Z

"if you down for the crown everybody get high"

yeah so last night. i thought it was going to be eally boring. so since i was all sad and depressed cuz i had nothing to do. sooooooooo monica and heather told me to go with them. so we all hung out for a while. then we all went down to heathers room and called everyone we knew to try and get some weed.

yeah so we FINALLY found some. and we rolled a blunt and smoked it on her front porch. got high as shit. had the dumbest conversations. me monica and heather all have the funniest converations. i love it. got a text from lia saying andrew wanted me to come over when he was "smashed" what a douche. lol.

anyways so yeah then me and monica came home and just chilled being high. ate some food. it was funny. yeah so then i watched some Thats 70's show. and then passed out.

soooooooo yeah i think lias mad at me. cuz she said she might "stop by" later and i was like "what would be the point in that?" and i didnt mean it to come out mean. but i guess it did. i just meant why would she stop by cuz i didnt even get home til 1130. sooooooooooooooo yeah i dunno.

AINT NOTHING BUT A GOTH THING
ALEXIS

i hate everything

2006-12-12T15:57:52Z

"your killing me, killing me"

yeah so i dont want to talk about HIM. lets just say im not happy.

actually i dont really wanna talk about anything. i had a shitty night. very dramatic shit went down at my house last night. and now monica hates me...oh well it was inevitable.

on the upside lia and i blazed yesterday and ate a shit load of candy. it was awesome. i love pot. it makes me feel good wehn normally i feel like shit. and if i "accidently" blaze our whole stash monicas gonna have to get over it. hahahahahah fucking bitch she thinks shes so tough and gangsta and shes not.

anyways thats all...

AINT NOTHING BUT A GOTH THING
ALEXIS

Still Stuck Waiting....

2006-12-11T15:49:46Z

"your erotic wet atomic eyes keep reoccuring in my mind...do me a favor please and touch your lips to mine"

yeah so i dont know what to write but...im not sure if damien is coming over today or not. i dont really care cuz this time im getting my self all worked up about somethign that more then likley is not going to happen. and it sucks saying that and feeling that but i mean what else can i do. i havent seen him in over 2 weeks. thats not normal. thats retarded. this is the most retarded thing ive ever done.

um yeah so i guess thats pretty much all i had to say. so i guess im done. gonna go home and dance around to eve 6...im obsessed with them latley.

AINT NOHTING BUT A GOTH THING
ALEXIS

we're friends when your on your knees

2006-12-09T19:12:00Z

"these are thelives you love to lead"

so last night i went to the mall with CJ...fun times. her and monica got their eyebrows waxed...freaks...lol. i saw josh <3 hes so hot. that fucking chelsea bitch was there too...talking shit on me with some fucking fat kid. i want to kill her. i do.

anyways so then i went to Cjs cuz i was sleeping over. we had a simple plan dance party...followed by a good charlotte dance party minus the dancing then a fall out boy dance party. we are the shit.

anyways we had fun...i felt happy for once which is good ...so i need to get out and start hanging out with friends so i get out of this bum ass mood im in.

AINT NOTHING BUT A GOTH THING
ALEXIS

friday night

2006-12-08T16:49:16Z

"i always want whats out of reach"

yeah so um i finally heard from damien.

"shit im sorry i havent talked to you in a while my movie gallery job has me wrapped up in learning all this crap i need to open tomarrow and i have hardly any time to think but how are you im tring to see you as soon as possible and try to make your life a little less boring during the day but ill see what i can do about monday maybe brighten up your day for a couple of hours please dont be mad at me and if you are ill try to make happy just give me a little time
damien"

yeah so i dunno...i said back to him i wasnt mad...i kinda was tho. but i just dont feel like having any drama between us for ONCE. anyways...

so today i am hanging out with CJ which is awesome. i havent seen her in so fucking long. so thats cool.

uh other then that not too much is up with me.

AINT NOTHING BUT A GOTH THING
ALEXIS

taking back psycho

2006-12-07T15:39:25Z

"ur stories ring of perjury"

yeah so i dont really have anything to say except for i talked to the coolest of the cool last night in the phone...kym...aka the taking back psycho. lol

thats all...unles you all want to hear about how annoyed i am at damien...no?....yeah i didnt think so.

AINT NOTHING BUT A GOTH THING
ALEXIS

stoned again

2006-12-06T16:36:33Z

"i can still get high"

yeah so yesterday i hung out with this kid chris. he smoked me up and i was pretty fucked up off the bowls we smoked but i still hit the bong a couple tiems! and i was so fucked up...and i got this really weird vibe off the kid...so i dont think im going to chill with him anymore. he seemeed really creepy. but he did give me a bowl so thats fucking sweet.

anyways then i went home and was just fucked up for a while. not too exciting since monica was sober and annoyed. hahaha.,..then i like passed out for a while and woke up. so uh yeah.

then i watched some TV and went back to bed.

fun fun day.

aint nothing but a goth thing
alexis

happty birthday to me.

2006-12-04T15:53:25Z

"all i know is your cute when you scream"

yeah so yesterday was my birthday and it was a pretty good day.

monica gave my my present as soon as she woke up...she got me a sweet fucking camo coat...one of those gangster ones with the furry hoods. and she got me a pair of matching panties...hahahahha shes so fucking random.

then my mommmy made me pancakes. hahah yeah man.

then later we had to go to my mom moms house to hnag christmas lights...we bright lia with us...lia got me a candle holder with 3 frogs and a mushroom...the frogs she said are me her and monica...she also gave me some extra tea lights to go with it. very cute.

then we hung the lights and lia and took stupid pictures of me holding hatchet...we were making fun of ICP cuz god i hate them. hahah

then we had pasta and meatballs and pop pop bought the BEST cake...raspberries and white chocolate...yummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm. it was so fucing good!!

my mom mom gave me a card with $25.

then we went home and mom went to pick up the girls from work.

damien called while i wasnt home :(

angie came home and gave a pineapple candle and incence. it was a pretty good day all in all. um Cj called me and i got to talk to her which is awesome cuz i missed her...we are plotting the death of all the juggalos in the area..we're thinking a we round them all up in a van and brainwash one of them to drive it off a cliff...hahahahhaahhahahahahahahahahahaha!!

well today my mommy is taking me out to dinner at chilis cuz they are having a rib special...yummy and then shes taking me to buy a new cd...im thinking the new My Chemical Romance sounds really really good and i have heard nothing but good things about it!!!

so yay...well thats all for now...byes

AINT NOTHING BUT A GOTH THING
alexis

ps...thanks for all the bday love people...

tommorow is my fucking birthday

2006-12-02T17:01:06Z

"just stop right there i think that we've got something HERE!"

so uh yesterday...i did in fact blaze. it was awesome. lol. i love it.

yeah me and lia smoked and monica took a nap and they went to the mall. and i stayed home in case damien did something crazy and actually showed up at my house. which he didnt...buthe did call and explain to me why he couldnt and then we were just talking about random shit...like my birthday! and it was fine i wasnt totally bummed. i was a little but at least i talked to him which latly is a rarity.

then after several hours monica came home. she bought 4 brothers cuz we love that movie...the youngest brother jack is so fucking hot!! lol...

so yeah then i got tired and went to bed.

this morning i woke up and gotdressed and here i am at the libarary. so i got on my myspace and checked my messages and i got from damien with the subject "serious note" and i admit i got a little scared. anyways this is what it said..if you can read it which i barly could...

"are you ok i dont know but if your not you should help me out a little i dont know you like some people i just do whats natural and what you might want to see in someone that could make you laugh im sorry if what we have isnt normal but what is normal i have a hard time reading your emotions on situations thats why im scared to make anything else of this your the best creative person i have ever met and the problem with me is that what would be a good reason to have you come into the bullshit i call my life bothering you with trivial things like where do you see us in five years no need for that but on the other hand you sit back and analyze the situation to be in a bad view im sorry theres no taking back what ive done with you but i dont want to take it back in the first place your spontaneous and thats something nobody has on you little girls come and go but your special to me anyway i cant stop you from having your own feelings in the situation but know i would never try to hurt you protect you yes leave you sad no! im sorry
damien"

sp yeah im confused but i dont think it sounds like bad news? or does it? i dunno. i have no idea where this came from.

well tommorow is my bday...YAY!!!! YAY!!! i need some love...so tommorow all you bitches do that!! or die!! lol jk...or am i?

AINT NOTHING BUT A GOTH THING
ALEXIS

to blaze or not to blaze?? That is the question!

2006-12-01T16:56:50Z

"are you well in the suffering?"

yeah so i guess damien is coming over tonite...i havent heard otherwise but he did say he didnt want to give me "false hope" so god only knows what that fucking means. i really do just wish things were alot easier for us...cuz i think i could be genuinlly (which i cant spell) happy with him...for once i could be happy. but no everything is all fucked up so i cant be happy.

anyways i guess lias coming over after school. maybe we should smoke...i would really enjoy being high today. actually i would really enjoy being high everyday...i love it...i wish i felt high ALL THE TIME! thatd be great. hahahaha i love pot...i really do...if it was legal i would marry the fucking shit. but pills would definaly be my mistress...lol!

um yeah so yesterday i rode the bus with amanda when she picked up kids at lionvillemiddle...then at easward...then at kings highway and gordon...at gordon we got stuck on a corner cuz there was a car illegally parked...and when she tried to pull in she realized she would make it so she tried to back up and almost hit the car. then this lady came up to the bus and said "oh this is my car did you want me to move it?" NO WE WANT TO STAY STUCK ON THIS FUCKING BUS FOREVER...god what a dumb fucking question! anyways so in total i was on that bus for like 3 hours and 40 minutes...it was pretty boring.

then amanda came over my house and we chilled for a bit but then she decided she wanted to go to the bar so i watched Katalina and made 20 bucks...HELLS YES...cuz i had 3 cigarettes left. so i did then my mom came home and made dinner...and katalina saw my arm all cut up at the dinner table and was like "did the cat do that? show debi" OMG i almost died. my mom hasnt said anything about it yet so thats good i guess...cuz i really really really hope that shes off this whole "if i catch you cutting again your going away" thing...cuz i really really dont want to go to a mental home...like at all!

anyways on a lighter note we watched "sargent peppers lonley hearts club band" after dinner...it was weird...like tommy but it was ok...i liked tommy better probably becuz i like the who and im not that into the beatles...althought i must say i guess i was wrong about the beatles...i thought they were like some clean cut wholesome band...but i guess that was only in the beginning or something...i dunno. tahts what my mom said.

well i guess thats all for now...

AINT NOTHING BUT A GOTH THING
ALEXIS

So i Made a Big Deal Out Of NOTHING...again

2006-11-30T16:22:10Z

"you lie through your teeth...you wont let me down"

yeah so um he did call yesterday which makes me feel stupid for all the shit i said but uh oh well. he wants to come over tommorow night i guess since he can no longer come during the day on weekdays. *sighs* i dont know what im doing....im freaking out.

i have been doing that alot latly...i just freak out about everything, no matter how stupid or petty it may be and i cant stop myself. like i go all kinds of crazy. i think its finally happened...i think i finally cracked.

i mean when im with people i at try to act as normal as possible but when im at home i cant even try anymore...i probably belong in a mental home but oh well.

um yeah so i guess thats all...um i think i am hanging wit my friend chris tommorow hopefulley. and getting my bowl!!!!!!! YAY!!

and i guess im hanging with damien too...i dunno he said something about not wanting to give me "false hope" so it sounds to me like he may not be coming. god im so fucking negattive. i gotta change that.

OH AND MY BIRTHDAY IS IN 3 DAYS...so some birthday love on sunday on my mypsace or on the phone would be nice!! in case you dont know ...the number is 484-237-8053!! so yeah cuz no one in my family (exceopt monica) has money to get me a present at this time so a phone call or comment would mean alot to me!

um yeah so i guess thats all..

AINT NOTHING BUT A GOTH THING
ALEXIS

ps...im riding amandas bus with her in a bit! fun shit

xlipsofdecietx @ 2006-11-29T11:41:00

2006-11-29T16:41:34Z

so i put a blog on my myspace for him...i doubt he'll read it but who knows he read my blog before...so maybe. you can go check it out if you want.

why does he suck so fucking bad??????

2006-11-29T16:21:52Z

"IM JUST A NOTCH IN YOUR BEDPOST"

um yeah so i have still heard nothing from him. ya know if i did something itd be really great if he fucking told me! i am really get sick of all the bullshit i put up with to not even be with him. i mean we arent going out or anything, we're just hanging out, and making out...lol...but seriously im trying to decide if hes worth it. but we arent anything.

i cant stop crying. i dont even know why...i dunno if its becuz of him or just everything but all i do is cry latly. i hold myself up in my room all day and all night i barely eat...and ive been cutting again. alot.

im just stuck in this miserable feeling and i cant get out of it. i must snap at my mom like 80 times a day over nothing.

plus i have this fucking cough.

but i hate him right now. hes not going to do this to me...not again. but i do have a plan thing. nothing big but if i dont hear from him by friday im going to send him a message...saying...i dunno right now but i got 2 days to think about it. i think i should just stop chillin with him...it sounds easy but its so fucking hard. i dunno what he did to me that i cant let go but i cant. i tried and obviously it didnt work out.

i guess thats all for now.

AINT NOTHING BUT A GOTH THING
ALEXIS

xlipsofdecietx @ 2006-11-27T10:19:00

2006-11-27T15:19:33Z

"all i see is dead wings"

yeah so uh i feel like shit, i look disgusting and im miserable.

this is the first time i left me house in like 2 days.

grrrrrrr...well i guess i have nothing else to say.

AINT NOTHING BUT A GOTH THING
ALEXIS

Baby Mama Drama

2006-11-25T17:07:17Z

"

yeah so last night was retarded. me and monica went to the mall and shit. we were just wandering arund shopping and what not when monicas phone rings..one of damiens friends called and asked what we were doing and she said we were at the mall and they were like "oh well we'll be down in alittle bit" and i of course was all excited cuz i hadnt seen him since monday. so yeah so we wandered around a bit more and then they called and said they were there.

so they found us and we were walking around...then we(me and monica) stopped to say hi to morgan who was back for the holidays. so we lost them but we decided to go outside and smoke anyways...and then we found them.

so we were all standing there and damien was all not standing near me. then i guess he got the hint and came over and kissed me and stood with me. so yeah then all his friends kinda disappeared and we walked around to try and find them...and it turns out they were outside again. so we went back out there and i sat on the ground and he sat like in front of me.

then monica went to go to cassie and this girl who looked really famialiar to me but monica said she wnt to our school like last year for a lil bit. then monica comes back over to me and damien and says to damien "just so you know that girl came up to me and was all like 'his name is damien and i used to run away with him' and then she said that she told your baby mama you were here and shes coming to 'kick your ass' but you didnt hear it from me" so then we were all sitting there and i seen that girl pointing at monica. and monica got all mad. then the rent-a-cops came and told us all we had to go in.

so we all sat at the food court. and we were just chillin for a little bit. then damien went to walk those kids to their car to buy pot i think. he said he'd be right back and he gave me a kiss and left.and after he left i told monica how i recongized that chelsea girl. i seen her myspace on damiens a while back. meanwhile my cousin alyssa came over and i was telling her about what happened and then she left.

then that girl chealsea came over and was telling me all this shit about hes apparently supposed to be in jail and how they went out when she was on lock up and that she used to run away from there and how he cheated on her. and blah blah blah. and she was like "oh i used to go out with him" and i was like "so did i...before you did" and she was like "well i just wished someone would have warned me" then i saw amanda and danielle and i went over to say hi to them.

god it was all so gay...then he came back and i was just acting normal. at the time i wasnt concered about what that bitch had said. then the babys mama showed up...she didnt say anything to him when i was there but we left not too long after wards...andthen my mom pulled up so i went over to say bye to him but i didnt think he was going to kiss me goodbye with them right there...but he did. anyways so yeah it was all so retarded.

well i guess thats all...

AINT NOTHING BUT A GOTH THING
ALEXIS

xlipsofdecietx @ 2006-11-24T16:35:00

2006-11-24T21:35:45Z

"its times like these when i wish that i could teleport to you cuz then we would have an issue"

yeah so lets see this week has been pretty fucking sucky. i dunno it was just boring. ive been a huge bitch to my mom and i dont even know why. thanksgiving basically sucked. so um yeah i dunno boring.

now im about to go the mall...whoo fucking party...jk....i am so bored with this fucking mall.

yeah so i am bored...but good news my phone gets turned on tommorow along with my cable...so yeah now damien can stop bitching about me not having a phone and all. lol

but uh yeah i guess i really had nothing to say so...im done!

AINT NOTHING BUT A GOTH THING
ALEXIS

xlipsofdecietx @ 2006-11-21T12:11:00

2006-11-21T17:11:34Z

"how does it feel to know your everything i need?...the butterflies in my stomach they could bring me to my knees"

yeah so yesterday was a very good day...at first i was bored just sitting in my living room flipping through a magazine, then there was a knock on the door...i thought it was angie and amanda but it wasnt....it was damien.

so when he first came in he started on this whole big speech of an apology and i started feeling all emotional like and i was just like "you dont have to do this" i dunno then we were just sitting on my couch listening to music and being stupid. it was fun.

then angie and amanda did show up. so they were being kinda annoying. but amanda wanted to go smoke a cigarrette in my room so me and damien went with her. yeah i kinda used that as an excuse to get us in my room. then amanda left and we just satyed in there and we were talkign and laughing and kissing and it felt so good. i felt happy, happier then i felt in a long ass time. then i stole 2 dollars from him and we were messing around with him attempting to get his money back...but uh his stratgey was to make out with me in attempts to distract me...but that wasnt working cuz i had his hands pinned down. hahahahahahah yeah so i made him admit that i won that before i would give him his 2 dollars back. hahahaha it was fun.

But to answer the question on everyones mind we were too paranoid to have sex...but even so he did say that it was worth the struggle to come see me. so that makes me very happy. so yeah,

then monica came home for a bit and harassed damien slighty which is always funny then she left for work. then we resumed making out for a while and then he had to go cuz he was taking care of his kid.

but uh yeah while he was waiting for his ride he told me about how he wants to move to coatesville and then we can "establish" something. god i feel so happy! well i gotta go

AINT NOTHING BUT A GOTH THING
ALEXIS

MORE, MORE, MORE!!!!!!

2006-11-18T18:30:39Z

"i would trade all my tommorows for one single yesterday"

yeah so i guess i am going to go ahead and give damien another chance. oh god i am falling for this boy. i just think that he could be good for me and i dot think im ready to give him up yet.

so uh yea last night....i was stuck home alone for a while. so i decided to smoke some pot...lol...and i did and then there was a knock at the door...and i was like standing by my door for like 3 mintutes and then i was FINALLY like "hello?" (i was sooooooooo stoned) and it was lia.

she needed me to talk to her dad cuz he didnt believe her that we were going to the mall...well cuz we werent. she was going to hang out with that fucking loser reed. she knew that i was stuck at home all alone and she didnt care. just like when i told her i was uspset abotu the damien thing she didnt care. shes not very supoprtive. anyway so then she went and got on the bus. then finally monica came home and we smoked up cuz i was high and she wasnt and she is annoyed by me when im fucked up and shes sober. so then we ordered food from anthonys and watched part of crossroads...hahah then i listened to my new cd....i made it...

Billy Idol-Rebel Yell
The Doors- Break on through (to the other side)
Forgeinger-I wanna know what love is
Journey- Lovin,Touchin, squeezing
Janis Joplin- Me and Bobby mcgee
Led Zepplien- Stairway to heaven

and then other songs that dont play...so im pissed...dont burn cds when ur stoned...cuz i have no idea what happened to it.

no idea

so then my cousin came over and i was all high and we were talking about angie...how judgemenatl she can be and amanda was pretty pissed and i actually kinda opened up to amanda. so thats cool then i rode with her to west chester and then came home and finally passed out at like 1:00.

AINT NOTHING BUT A GOTH THING
ALEXIS

xlipsofdecietx @ 2006-11-17T11:06:00

2006-11-17T16:06:17Z

"lets nuke the bridge we've torched 2000 times before...this time we'll blast it all to hell"

yeah so...yesterday i layed in my bed like all day crying. then i went to get monica. then she stopped at the library and he still hadnt said anything back. so i went home and did something to cheer my self up...i smoked 2 bowls. and yes that worked! i did cheer up somewhat for a while. i love smoking by myself...and i listen to yellowcard which i havent listened to in forever.

but uh yeah then i came down just in time to go to bed and i couldnt sleep. finally around midnight i dozed off. i woke up again at like 230 then at like 415 and then at 545 then i woke up at 9 and just got up. and now here i am at the library...and he did send me a reply and when i read it i cried right in the middle of the library...and i dont know why...but uh here it is

"you know i care about you and the only way to make things work is if i had my own car and people with the same emotions as me but to this day you and joe are the only people with the same emotions to even care about trying to keep a promise especailly to you youve done nothing to deserve this and i still cant keep my mouth shut when people are wrong in their aspect of ridicual and hate so i fight back verbally and get dropped in the side of the road 15 miles away from my house and the only way to talk to you personally is to talk to you on myspace i didnt day you disrespected me but leaving me those comments i just said to be hurt by this type of situation is petty i try to make up for it every chance i get but to a point you have to get a phone so we're not on other peoples time i like being with you because to a point you make me feel not stupid compared to all my aquintances that just make fun of me every chance they get because im not like them yea you probably didnt know that for being a stable kind of guy i get shit on alot all i wanna do is raise my kid have a relationship have some good friends who you know are down for whatever and some good weed thats it but you know how life goes everything goes real good and than something or SOMEONE fucks it up so the next time i tell you ill be down i mean it and no bullshit i wouldnt trade this its pure untampered and so far nobody wants to fuck it up cause i know how to keep my mouth shut i hope you can understand im not doing this on purpose
Damien"

so i replyed back like this

"its not like i think your intentionally fucking me over but i mean i hate sitting in my house waiting for you to come and then you never show up, and then im stuck at my house all alone and then i get all depressed...i dunno what to say i was never good with words. and maybe you are a stable person...but im not and all i can think when im stuck alone is "im not good enough, or imporant enough" becuz im all fucked up and i hate myself so they way it comes across to me in my mind is your just someone else that doesnt want anything to do with a loser like me. thats what i think. i know i dont have like anything going for me so when you dont show i think "well i guess he realized im just a waste of time" so im always afraid that its going to happen...so thats why i usually bitch you out when you dont show.

and about the phone thing i dont have a job so thats kinda out of the question right now although i think my mom is working on getting the house phone turned on soon if she makes enough money this week.

alexis"

i dont know what to do...any advice????? i could really use some right now...im in over my head here! i mean i still have feelings for him and hes saying he does too...but i mean should i belive the whole "actions speak louder then words"? thing or go with my feelings? i dont know i need some HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

AND THE AWARD FOR BIGGEST RETARD OF THE YEAR GOES TO..ME!!!!!!!!!!

2006-11-16T17:28:20Z

"and i never want to say goodbye"

yeah so damien didnt show up yesterday. me and monica got into a couple fights too.

he did call tho to say he was coming down today...and i was like "are you actually coming this time?" and he was like "yeah, i got it all set up"...

well surprise surprise he didnt show up again...why i am so fucking dumb? why do i keep letting this happen??? i bet everyone is sick to death of hearing about this and for that i apoligize. but i did send him a message saying...

"are you gonna come down sometime this week? i think monica is skipping downingtown tommorow so she will be home at like 1130 and friday she doesnt have school at all but she wont be home. so i mean you can come down whenever...if you want to that is."

and then he said...

"yea of course spending time with you is fun ill be down in the morning good night"

isnt he so fucking sweet...so when he didnt show up i sent him another one...not cussing him out, or saying never talk to me again. it just says this

"so everything i was going to say to you i have already said 1000 times before and you still dont care enough to come down when you say you will. but dont worry im more mad at myself then i am you...im stupid enough to let you do it over and over. i guess i was just blinded cuz i thought maybe it was possible for someone to want to me. as usual i was wrong. im not going to even bother saying "dont talk to me" this time cuz i guess its pointless cuz everytime i say it i talk to you again anyway. but just so you know i do get hurt everytime this happens. so maybe you should think about how many times you hurt me before you decide to do it again. decide if you actually give a fuck about me before you make plans to come down. i understand its hard for you to get down here, i mean but you said last night that you had it all set up so i figured that you were coming.

*alexis*"

so i dunno what he will say to that...but i figured fuck it if i cuss him out then we get into a fight and some how i end up feeling like shit about it...so i was just like let me tell him how i feel when he does taht to me...but i didnt get into too much detail cuz i dunno...whatever

i got hurt again...

AINT NOTHNG BUT A GOTH THING
ALEXIS

xlipsofdecietx @ 2006-11-15T10:42:00

2006-11-15T15:42:44Z

"im sorry i cant be perfect"

yeah so uh i dunno if damiens coming over or not today but uh i should probably be home in case he does...so byes!

luv ya

AINT NOTHING BUT A GOTH THING
ALEXIS